Beginning Again... Again
I'd like to start by saying I chose the term "Beginning Again... Again" because there is always a part of me that feels like if I'm not consistently being creative or working on music specifically then every time I start getting really active I'm starting over.
There have been a lot of lessons learned on my journey through dreaming. I've performed at some of the dopest venues with the least amount of crowd and some of the smallest spots packed wall to wall. I've spent a lot of this trip trying to find my voice, or "style" but I feel more universal.
When it comes to family life it can be challenging to balance ones dreams with what feels like personal responsibilities, even if my partner is telling me its ok to sacrifice. When it comes to time and money, everything I put into this I take away from my family. At least that's how I see it.
So what is the outcome? What is the goal? What does my success look like? I'm not young enough to believe I can live off of a few shows here and there still and stagger my way from couch to couch. Especially with my daughter and lady. I also know that no matter who I work for or what I'm doing it doesn't make me as happy as being on the stage or in front of a mic.
If I'm being honest I prefer to not listen to myself but when I like it like a normal song I know I'm at least doing that part right. At least I think I am. I've delved into educating myself on my craft. Moving from mixtapes with downloaded instrumentals of every song I love to purchasing actual leasing rights. Ha, I know. I'm learning how to mix my own music and working on video editing. Purchasing the tools to help me perfect my craft. 100.000 hours right?!
Taking myself seriously is not something that I would regularly enjoy. But I started to ask myself what do you want from this? And the only conclusion was that I needed to be taken seriously when it came to my craft. I don't think I could survive as myself without having it and I know that I can't sustain it with pride and not put fourth a grand effort. A developing effort. A new chapter in the same book. So I'm putting together my first actual album to distribute and attempt to profit from.
I'm never going to stop dreaming. It's a part of what makes me a person. The person that I am. The best parts. So this is what I do. Turn dream into reality. Live outside of the normal realism to realize something bigger. I know what I'm after. I'm going toward it. The only question is now, how serious do you take yourself?